I knew that when I said I’d let myself go, that I was out of shape. I weigh more than I have in a decade and a half, and I have been relatively sedentary for years.

But I thought I’d at least be able to run more than 30 seconds at a time without my legs revolting.

Spoiler alert: I cannot.

Whatever base fitness I once had…well, it’s gone. I know how to build it up quickly, and within a couple of weeks, I can already tell a major difference in how I feel after spending an hour outside moving my body.

Thing is, though, it’s mainly because I’ve gained weight. Even at my lightest, I had heavy footfalls. Weighing nearly 270 lbs makes those multiplicatively harder on my joints.

And moving 270 lbs is a lot more work than moving 155 or even 200.

I just thought I’d be able to move it around a little better than I currently can.

So What’s the Plan?

Well, I’m going to take my own advice and walk a bunch first. I always said the C25k plan sucks because it doesn’t meet a couch potato where they’re at. It doesn’t fully understand what it means to be totally and utterly out of shape.

I’ve always said that you should be able to walk a brisk few miles before starting any “learn to run” program. So that’s what I’m doing.

I’m going out to walk at least 5k a day, as often as I can. One day last week, it turned out to be 4 miles instead of 3.

I was going to include running in these outings, but my shins didn’t like starting to run from zero. So I figure rather than give myself shin splints (which are miserable), I would build up the muscles a little more and just walk until my legs don’t miss the couch nearly as much.

It’s Hard

Not the running itself (though it is). It’s hard knowing just how much I’ve lost. In my mind, I’m still the relatively fit guy who can go out for miles without a worry in the world.

That’s not true. And it’s been a hard truth to really sit with and accept.

I mean, I got a 2-week trial of Runna from a Strava challenge, and even the first workout of the “return to running” plan has me running 0.2-mile intervals. It’s embarrassing that I can’t even do that right now.

That workout is scheduled for tomorrow. Am I going to try to do it? Yes. Absolutely. Am I going to be able to do it? I don’t know.

It’s hard to admit that.

The good thing is that I have my head in the right place now so that I won’t have to admit that for very long.