I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and one of the things I keep coming back to is the idea of happiness. We all spend so much time stressing out and worrying about things we can’t change, and I ask you “why?”

Why do we focus on stuff that makes us unhappy? Why do we focus on the negatives that only tend to further propagate that negativity?

Because it’s easier. That’s why. When something sucks, our thoughts focus on it, and it can be overpowering–and debilitating.

So here’s what I suggest. Stop it. (Simple, but not easy, right?)

Think about it like this: what were you doing the last time you felt real joy? Not that fleeting moment of satisfaction at your newest Xbox Achievement, but real, honest, true joy? Take some time and reflect. Think about it. Meditate if you need to. Do whatever you can to find the last moment in your life where you were truly, transcendentally happy.

And when you’ve thought of it, answer this: why don’t you do that more often? There are probably a lot of reasons why you don’t, and many of those are out of your control. But for those at are in your control, work on eliminating them and figure out a way that you stop sabotaging your own happiness.

Keep in mind, this is a lot easier said than done. And it’s not an all-or-nothing kind of situation, either. It’s a process, and it’s a goal. Being mindful of your own happiness is one of the hardest things you can do.

But if you can get there, if you can figure out what in life truly makes you happy (and then focus on making that your lifestyle), I promise that your quality of life will improve. Mine has.

You see, after a lot of searching and thinking, I realized that what makes me truly joyful is helping people. Really and honestly helping people. And the last time I felt true joy was when a lady I’m consulting with sent me a message to let me know she had lost eight pounds since we started working together. In that moment, everything was okay–because something I had done had helped someone else.

And I was happy. Honestly, truly, pig-in-shit happy.

So I’m working on making that a more regular event in my life because helping someone on their route to a healthier life gave me way bigger warm fuzzies than most things I tend to focus on do–more than grinding Atmas in Final Fantasy XIV, more than avoiding spoilers for this season of Game of Thrones, and way more than thinking about whether or not I’m enjoying my summer break enough.

So ask yourself those two questions, when was the last time you felt real joy? and why don’t you do that more often?

The answers may surprise you.